How can I fix it if I don't know what I've done?
by blackandwhiterainbowgirl
Summary: Episode based Season one . EB relationship, might add others later.
1. How can I fix it

This is the first in my "Golden Oldies" series – A group of episode based stories that are based on episodes from the early seasons of the show they're about.  
  
This story popped into my head after watching "Nothing to Fear" (first season) on DVD. A word of warning – if you haven't seen this episode, then some of this story might not make sense...regardless, enjoy! This begins just after the end of NtF, I guess within a few days or so.  
  
Disclaimer: As I've seen on other writers' disclaimers, 'if it's on the show, then it's not mine'. Although I have to admit I wouldn't say no if you offered! ;-D  
  
CHAPTER ONE:  
  
Emma's point of view: It's weird. I know in my head that it wasn't Brennan who threatened me, but Henry Voight, but every time I look at him, I see that moment – the scowl on his face, the demeaning tone of voice...Ugh...  
  
I can tell that he's noticed my attitude towards him. Every now and then, I'll catch him looking at me with the strangest look on his face, kind of a cross between confused, hurt and angry. I so wish I could tell him what's going on, why I'm so tense around him...I know if I do, though, he'll go on a major guilt trip about something that was totally not his fault. I don't think I could do that to him. Cause him that much pain.  
  
A soft voice interrupts my thoughts – "Emma? You in there? It's just dinner's ready and everyone's waiting for you...you haven't come out of your room for ages, not since Hen- well, not for a while. What do you say? Come and eat with us, please!" I know he's right. In my quest to avoid him, I've ended up avoiding everyone. Adam picked up straight away on my behaviour, probably because he's the only one of all of them who knows what happened. I doubt somehow that Shal and Jesse don't see it. He's such an innocent spirit he probably thinks he's the one who's done something wrong. Shal...Shal probably thinks Henry's powers affected me more than them. Being a psionic and all that jazz.  
  
The voice is back: "C'mon Em, you know you gotta come eat eventually...Look, if it's 'cause I'm there, then...I dunno, I'll go eat somewhere else or something! Please? For us?" Yet again, he's right, but still I find myself refusing, telling him that I'll "grab something later", that they "shouldn't worry, I'm fine" Even as I say the words, my mind tells me I'm lying, that I can't go on like this forever.  
  
Brennan's point of view: Realising that there's no way she's coming out of that room, especially whilst I'm standing by the door; I begin to head back to the kitchen. I hate this! I hate it so damn much! I don't even know what I've done to her. It must be pretty bad – I caught her looking at me once just after Adam woke up like I'd just attacked her or something. God! I'd give anything to know what I'd done. At least then, I could try to fix it, or at least apologise! I'm so confused I've even started to wonder if she's sensed the change in my feelings towards her...I had an awful moment when she gave me that look where I thought that she'd sensed some of my *ahem*, less angelic thoughts about her.  
  
As I reach the doorway, the others all look up, to see if I've brought her with me. The instant disappointment on their faces when they see that I'm alone just serves to make me feel even worse, like just Brennan on his own isn't good enough. I know that's not the reason, but Emma's behaviour has me so...so...argh! I don't even know anymore!  
  
"Maybe if I go and talk to her...?" Sweet, sweet Jesse. Sometimes I forget how protected and sheltered his upbringing was, and get caught unawares by his innocence and naïveté all over again. I almost wish I could have some of that. Maybe life wouldn't seem to complicated...  
  
"No, she's made it clear that she needs some time alone, so I think the best thing we can do is give it to her. We can always leave a plate of food in the fridge for her to come and get later" Trust Adam to be the voice of reason.  
  
"Yeah," I find myself saying "she said she would grab herself something later." Way to go Brennan, now you sound like you haven't noticed what's happening! Forget this, I think as I head over to the table and start filling my plate with food. 


	2. Is this still home?

Is this still home?  
  
A/N: I realise that there are quite a few references to a possible relationship between Shalimar and Brennan in the eppy that I'm looking at (Nothing to Fear), but if you'll just suspend reality for a bit...lol. This fan fiction comes from a single point in that episode, where Henry Voight (the bad guy) threatens Emma (physically and verbally) using Brennan's body. Just wanted to clear that up! *smiles*  
  
Emma's point of view: I haven't heard any noises for a while, so I'm pretty sure everyone's hit the sack already. Just to be sure, I do a quick mental sweep of the area before leaving my room. Shalimar's dreaming about shopping (Ooh, nice top), Jesse about swimming in the sea (Aaah!!! Minus the trunks! Did NOT need to see that), Adam doesn't seem to be dreaming about anything, and Brennan, he...well, I saw my face and got the hell out of that dream.  
  
Finally, the kitchen...now, where did Jesse say he put the chips he bought last week? It's a shame I can't just access my own memories...then again, it's not like I've ever tried, is it? Well, here goes...  
  
Images start coming thick and fast, of my team members, of the New Mutants we've helped, of my parents...suddenly I see Jess, holding a bag of chips and turning to face the...  
  
Out of nowhere a hand touches my shoulder – "We left a plate in the fridge for-" Before Adam can get any further, I let out a loud scream and spin around to face him.  
  
"Jeez! What are you trying to do? Make me die of shock?" I snap out, without really meaning it. A look of surprise hovers on his face for a moment before fading.  
  
A moment later, Adam is against the wall, with a glowing blue ball in his face. There's a moments pause before the ball's owner speaks. "Adam? Oh, God, I'm sorry! I thought someone was trying to- never mind" As quickly as it had appeared, the ball of energy was gone, lost inside a fiercely closed fist.  
  
"I heard Emma scream and freaked. It was like I was on autopilot or something...Thank God I realised it was you in time! I'd never be able to forgive myself if I hurt one of you guys..."  
  
"It's okay Brennan, I probably would have done the same thing if I'd heard her. Besides, the sheer fact that you came running when you heard her shows that you care about us all. I was just telling her about the plate we left for her. I don't think she realised I was here." Trust Adam to be the diplomat, the diffuser.  
  
Adam's point of view: For a second there I thought I was a goner. There was so much anger, and perhaps even hate in Brennan's face. I don't think I've ever seen that look on anyone's face before. It reminded me of Shalimar's face whenever someone threatened Jesse or me in the old days, back when Mutant X was a trio, before the two standing before me had joined us...  
  
I don't doubt his assessment of being on "autopilot". He seemed so completely unaware of who I was, of his surroundings...of everything but Emma. Perhaps Henry's powers triggered some kind of shift in his genetic make-up?  
  
"Perhaps you should come to the lab with me, Brennan. I'd like to have another look at your elemental DNA. I'm still not convinced that you guys haven't suffered any ill-effects from time Henry was in control of your minds." Even as I spoke, I felt the young woman at my side stiffen at the mention of Henry Voight, and move even further behind me. I wasn't sure before, but now I could definitely see that whatever was wrong with Emma had a direct link with our previous battle with Henry. What I couldn't understand was why all of her animosity in regard to that period seemed to be directed towards Brennan...  
  
"Look, just because I thought someone was hurting Emma and freaked, doesn't mean that there's something kooky with my genes! It was just a protective instinct. Emma's like my...my...sister!" I shouldn't be surprised by that. He never did like all my "poking and prodding" as he calls it.  
  
"Still, it's better to be safe than sorry. Come on, it'll only take a few minutes, and then you can get back to bed." I reply, laying a hand on Brennan's shoulder and gently propelling him towards the doorway.  
  
I'm just walking through it myself when I hear Emma say my name. "Yes?" I respond, turning to face her.  
  
"Um, well, I think I might have...what I mean is...oh, never mind!" She rambled, turning away to face the fridge. I almost pressed her to continue, but something made me stop short. An instinct, a feeling...I don't know.  
  
Emma's point of view: When I was sure they'd gone, I allowed my body to relax, falling into a nearby chair. What possessed me to call him back? Sure, I wanted to tell him about what happened when I tried to remember where the chips were, but surely telling him at that moment would only serve to have him run some tests on me as well. The last thing I wanted right now was to spend any more time than necessary with Brennan Mulwray...right? I'm starting to feel like my heart is going over my head to get what it wants – no pun intended.  
  
I can't spend my whole life hiding from him and yet wanting to be close to him at the same time. I've got to take the first step, and what better time than right now. If only I was as brave as I tried to tell myself I was! I finally sucked it up and half-walked half-ran to the lab. I was just about to enter when I heard Adam say something that chilled me to the bone.  
  
"It's not a case of me not wanting to tell you, I swear. I honestly don't know what's wrong with her. The only thing I can think of is something that happened when Henry had control of everyone but Emma and me. He used your body to threaten her. However, I'm sure Emma's far too sensible to attribute that to you instead of Henry. She's-"  
  
"WHAT?!?" Brennan interrupted before Adam could get any further. "He 'used my body'? What the hell does that mean? My voice, my hands, my thoughts, what?"  
  
If this was all going to come out, I was at least going to make sure he truly understood why I was unwilling to be near him...  
  
"All three, Brennan, all three. He...he...I can't explain it in words" I said, stepping through the doorway.  
  
"Emma? I'm so, so sorry. I swear, if I'd known...I would've...could've..." Brennan exclaimed, his voice breaking.  
  
"Know? You don't know...but you can..." Before either man could stop me, I strode over to the chair and connected with Brennan. If he'd known, huh? Well, I'll just take care of that for him, I thought as I sent him a mental image of the scene between us that day, making sure to include how scared, confused and hurt I was. If he was going to see this, he was going to get the whole she-bang.  
  
Brennan's point of view: For a second my brain didn't register what she was trying to show me. All too soon, however, that moment of relative bliss was replaced by a seemingly incessant rush of images, sounds, feelings.  
  
So much pain, and fear, and...suddenly I heard someone screaming. It took me a moment to realise it was my own voice I could hear.  
  
The images are abruptly interrupted by a blinding white light. When it fades, I can see Adam standing over me, pulling a lost looking Emma away from me. What the hell was that? I mean, I know Emma has some pretty funky abilities, but since when can she mess with her own memories? It's kinda hard to concentrate on that though. I keep seeing my own face hovering in front of me, with a look of pure evil on it. Did I really do this to my beautiful Emma?  
  
"What the hell do you think you were doing?!? You could have killed him!" I hear him shout. Kill me? No way! Emma's not nearly that powerful...is she? Surely we'd know about it?  
  
"He wanted to 'know'...so I 'told' him. End of story." Turning to me she continued "Now do you see why I have such a problem with being around you, with hearing your voice...with trusting you?"  
  
I had to stuggle for a moment to get my voice to work – "I...I...I don't have any memory of doing that, I swear! It wasn't me...it wasn't! IT WASN'T!" I couldn't say any more...the words just wouldn't come up. I felt a wave of guilt and grief as I curled up into a ball on the diagnostic chair.  
  
Shalimar's point of view: I'm in the middle of a great dream about winning a shopping spree when I hear someone yelling. My feral instincts wake me up instantly. After a second I realise it's Brennan...and he's near Adam's lab.  
  
Just because he didn't seem to return the feelings that had been developing in me for him doesn't make them any less potent. As I race into the lab I catch the tail end of what Adam is saying to Emma – "...did you do to him?!?". Emma did this? Emma hurt strong, serious Brennan? How? She's the weakest of all of us!  
  
But the how doesn't matter right now, only the act itself, I think as I lunge for her..."I'll kill you, I swear I will!" I scream as I fly through the air...just before everything goes black. It takes me a moment to realise that I'm on the other side of the room, sitting against the glass wall, as she runs out of the room. What happened to sweet, gentle Emma, our little diplomat? When did she turn into...into one of us?  
  
Emma's point of view: I didn't mean to hurt Shalimar, honestly I didn't, but when she came soaring through the air at me, instinct took over. I hope she's okay. What am I saying? Of course she will be! The three of them always are! It's only helpless little Emma dear that can't take care of herself!  
  
All of a sudden I realise I'm walking into the garage. I pause for a moment before striding over to a small black car, a convertible. I took this one when I last stayed at a safehouse, so my overnight gear should still be in the trunk.  
  
Part of me was screaming to go back, apologise for my so-called 'mistakes' like I always do. But a bigger, stonger part of me was asking if that was what I really wanted, if this hidden away place was still home, my home? I pondered the question aloud as I pulled open the hidden compartment under the dashboard and took out the keys – "Is this still home?" 


	3. Calling out for help

A/N: I've just found a story by 'P3nNyWs3' which also uses the Henry Voight threat as a starting point. That one goes further than mine, to say that Brennan/Henry actually raped Emma, who then becomes pregnant. It's an interesting way to go, although I'm not sure I would chose to change it that way myself.  
  
In this chapter, Emma talks to Jesse using her mind. When she does so, her comments are in bold and italicised – however, this doesn't seem to show up when I look at my story online. Hopefully her speech is clear enough to understand. If you have problems, please email me or leave a comment and I'll change it for you.  
  
Sorry this chapter is shorter, but I mainly wanted to set up where each character is.  
  
Jesse's point of view:  
  
What in the world is going on?!? Out of nowhere, Shalimar drags me out of bed, babbling about Emma going bad. Yeah right! Like Emma would ever...  
  
Anyway, right now the four of us are gathered round a data screen, arguing over what to do. Shalimar thinks we should track her and do her over, Adam just wants her back at the lab, and Brennan... Well, Brennan's behaving the way he usually does when Emma is brought up. If I didn't know better, I'd think there was something going on between the two of them.  
  
I've tried to interrupt a few times, but I guess they needed someone else not to listen to now Emma's gone... Huh? Where did that come from? We listen to Emma, we do! I guess it's just that sometimes, well, she doesn't have the right experience for the problem we're fixing...  
  
Besides, she's always been more interested in the scientific side of this gig than the action hero side, right? It's always been Emma who finds the bad guys, and Shal who goes to do them over. That's just the pattern they've settled into over the years.  
  
"Jess? Jesse! JESSE!!" My confusion is broken by a small but strong hand gripping my arm. "Are you even listening to us? This is really important you know! One of our own is betraying us! It's no time for daydreaming!"  
  
"Okay! Okay! I get it! You can let go now! So, what's the plan? How are we gonna get Emma, the normal Emma, back?" Surely the fact that they were paying attention to me again meant they'd come to a decision about the situation.  
  
"That's just it. I'm not sure this isn't the 'normal Emma', as you succinctly put it. I've been comparing the brain activity levels in her last few scans, and there's been a slow but steady increase. I haven't had a chance to discuss this with her, but I think she might be experiencing a sudden increase in the potency of her powers, perhaps even new outlets for them."  
  
I may be a whiz in computers, but a science boffin I am not. As usual, I have no idea what Adam's nattering on about. As such, I tell him so: "That's all fine and dandy, Adam, but what do we do? How are we going to..."  
  
Jesse?  
  
What the-? Emma?  
  
Can you hear me?  
  
Yeah, I can. What's happening to you? Why did you hurt Bren and Shalimar? Where are you? What did-  
  
Stop! Stop! I'll explain everything soon, I promise. Just please, please don't tell the others you can hear me!  
  
"Jesse, buddy, you gotta stop doing that! We need to worry about Emma right now, 'kay?" This time it's Brennan who catches my attention.  
  
Much later, as we climb into the Double Helix, I try calling to her.  
  
Emma? Please talk to me, Em, I'm worried about you. Shalimar wants to tear you apart, and...  
  
I'm here, Jess. No matter what, I'll always be here for you. Never doubt that...  
  
Thank God! What's going on? Are you okay?  
  
Not exactly... Do you think you can get away? Meet me somewhere?  
  
Well... I don't know. After what happened in the lab, I think maybe-  
  
Jesse! I'm not going to hurt you! The only reason I hurt Shalimar was because she lunged for me and I panicked. Please Jess, you've got to trust me!  
  
All right. When and where?  
  
As soon as you can, on the side of the road at exit 72 of Highway 65. Hurry, Jesse. I need you.  
  
I'll be there as quick as I can. Turning to where Adam is seated, I try to think of a way to talk my way off this ship without arousing suspicion. Sure, I needed to be careful in light of what happened, but Emma has always been a truly good person at heart, and I can't honestly believe she would turn on us. Besides, I'll have my COM link in case of any problems.  
  
"Adam? I think I might have an idea about what Emma is doing. I need to go check out some files, 'kay?" As good a lie as any, I guess. I'm already half way to the door before he has a chance to reply.  
  
"You do? What is it? I might know something?"  
  
Crap. "Uh, well, it's just something she mentioned to me before. I can always drive out to meet you guys later." Well, that is somewhat true. I am going to do something that she just said.  
  
"Ok. Update us later and we'll let you know what's happening with us."  
  
I feel a more than mild sense of guilt as I climb out of the hatch and head back in the main part of Sanctuary. I'd better go fiddle with a computer for a few minutes to back my story up before heading down to the garage. 


	4. The end of Mutant X?

Author's Note: To all the lovely people who have reviewed my story – Thank You! I really appreciate that you took the time to tell me what you think. I hope that you like this new chapter. I'm so sorry that it took me this long! I seem to be having a mad rush of ideas, so hopefully I'll be able to get a good few chapters out before it disappears, ;-). I've had enough of typing out 'point of view' each time, so I'm just going to write their name from this chapter onwards.

To answer the question about the relationship, I was originally planning for this to be an Emma DeLauro/Brennan Mulwray story. However, I won't completely rule anything else out. After all, this thing happening with Emma and Jesse could lead to something... One thing I'm sure of, it will definitely be Emma/someone.

The end of Mutant X?

Emma:

I don't know if I did the right thing by contacting Jesse, but I really need someone right now. Of all the team, Jess is the only one who will listen to me. Adam would just want me on that chair of his to run God knows what kind of tests. As caring as he is, he'll always think first that there's been some kind of fluctuation in our genetic make-up.

By this point, I'm sure both Shal and Bren are completely against me. I braved trying to go into Shalimar's mind earlier to gauge her mood...bad idea, trust me. I'm not sure I want to know how he feels about me right now, so I just steered way clear of that one.

As I sit in the car, pondering the events of the last few hours, I see one of the Sanctuary cars pull up. After doing a quick mental sweep to make sure that Jess is alone, I release the 'cloak' of sorts that I have been holding over the car to hide it.

I barely have a chance to step out of the car before Jesse is racing over to me, shooting off questions a mile a minute:

"Are you okay? I mean, no one told me whether you got hurt too... What's going on? Why are you all fighting? When di-"

"Stop! I can't answer unless you give me a chance to!" I jump in, knowing that he can go on for hours once he gets started.

"Sorry Em, I'm just so worried about you..." He says, enveloping me in a huge hug.

"Thanks Jess. It means a lot to me that you're still looking out for me even though the others think I've gone psycho or something... Come on, we'll go sit in the car and I'll tell you the whole sordid tale..." I replied, taking his hand and pulling him over to my car.

Brennan:

This is getting ridiculous! Anytime I try to concentrate on the screen in front of me, a different memory of Emma pops into my head. Her teaching me how to make pancakes...the moment we agreed to join Mutant X...the first time I took her out on my bike...her laughing, smiling...crying...being threatened by me-I mean by Henry. I swear; if I could just go back in time, stop him from connecting with Shalimar in the first place...

Adam's voice pulls me back to the present time: "Brennan? Any luck with searching for the car she took?"

"Not so far. I'm gonna try hacking into the-" I'm interrupted by an insistent beeping sound coming from my screen "What the-? I've found the car, but...there's another car there too. The computer says it's one of ours!"

After a moment of silence, Adam utters a single word: "Jesse"

Jesse:

I almost turn around to look for Adam before realising he's talking to me through my Com-Link.

"Um, hi Adam, what's up?" I know full well he must know where I am by now, but I can't quite bring myself to admit it to him. The man is more like a dad to me than my own father is, and no one wants to admit to their father when they've gone behind his back.

"How is she?" Wow, that was quick. No 'I know what's going on', no 'How could you, Jesse?', no nothing. Gee, thanks Adam, nice to know you care.

I turn to look at Emma before replying, waiting for her to give me some kind of sign that she's okay with this. When she nods ever so slightly, I begin to talk.

"You'd know the answer to that if any of you had stopped to ask, instead of having a go at her based on your own opinions of the situation. But no, it was instant blame. I'm not dumb enough to think that you don't know where we are, or that you can't follow us wherever we go, but I will say this: Leave us alone. We, and only we, will decide when we are ready to come back. Everyone interfering is what got us all into this mess, and it won't help now. Agreed?" I can't believe I just did that. And judging by the gasp I heard beside me, neither can Emma.

"I won't say I'm happy about this, but you're both adults and as such I have to respect your ability to make your own decisions. One thing I will insist on, however, is that you check in regularly with me so I know you're okay. Is that acceptable to you?" Wow. Since when does Adam back down that quickly?

"Uh, yeah. We'll do that. Um, bye." With that, I gave my ring a quick twist and pulled it off my finger. There was something about the physical action that made the idea of being alone more real.

"I can't believe I just did that..."

((Author's Note: the next section is meant to be each character's thoughts just after Adam and Jesse's conversation))

Shalimar:

What the hell is wrong with Adam? How could he agree to what Jesse asked, no, demanded? Doesn't he get that Emma is probably mentally controlling him? God knows Jesse would never go against Adam, not after all he's done for us. Sure, sometimes it can feel a touch stifling, but we both know he means well.

It just seems out of character for Adam to act like that...unless...he was lying to him, luring him into a false sense of security...

Oh God, what am I saying? This is Jesse and Emma here. They're like my brother and sister! What's come over me? Ever since that scene in the lab I've been acting like Emma's some random person I barely know, and now it seems to be extending to Jesse! What's wrong with me?

Adam:

What's going on? Since when has there been such a rift within our group? And how could I have been so oblivious about it? Sure, I could tell that something was changing between Emma and Brennan for a while now, but other than that, nothing. What's happened to my children?

Shalimar seems to have declared war on anyone and everyone who opposes Brennan...it's almost as if she's in heat...although it's so much more intense than the last time. Then again, it's never been directed at someone she cares about before. Up until now, it's always been other ferals that she'd just met.

Brennan:

What the heck just happened? Jesse and Emma are running off together? No...Jesse is running off and taking Emma with him. I didn't hear Emma's voice once the whole time they were talking.

I suppose I should be grateful that they're not eloping or anything...as far as I know...oh God, what if they are? Just the thought of them...together...No. I can't think that way. If that's not what's happening then all I'm doing is messing with my head. And if it is...then I'm in for some serious heartbreak if they come back...I mean, _when_ they come back.

Emma:

Since when is Jesse so forceful? And in control? I mean, I'm not saying he's a wimp or anything, but he's never gone against Adam like that before. None of us has, except maybe Brennan, and that's only when he's...my mind drifts of as I start to think of Brennan.

No, no more thinking about him like that. I have to stay professional. Besides, where will thoughts like that get me except hurt? Everyone knows that Shalimar has her eye on Bren, and what Shal wants, Shal gets. She's this amazing, beautiful woman, who physically is a perfect match for him. How can I compare?

In any case, who says I want to be with him anyways? What if I never get Henry out of my system? What if every time we kiss, hug, make love, I see his face, threatening me? What if the love I feel now eventually turns to hatred, all because of that one moment? Wait, love? Where did that come from?

Jesse:

Oh. My. God. What have I just done? There's no going back now Jesse. You can't just charm your way out of this one.

I don't even know if I've done the right thing. Sure, I want what's best for Emma, but how do I know that's not being checked over by Adam? For all we know these moods are from some kind of chemical imbalance in her system or something.

No. I've got to stop making excuses. I took this step, and now I have to live with the consequences of it. I've always had someone to fall back on, to kiss my boo-boos and make it all go away. It's time for me to be that person for someone else. I've made it clear I'm going to be taking care of Emma and I need to make good on that promise.

Now I just need to convince Emma – and myself – that I can do it.

Author's Note: I hope you all enjoyed that. Hopefully, the next chapter will see some kind of action, whether it be good or bad. I'm thinking of adding some kind of bad guy...what do you think?


	5. People don't just disappear!

**People don't just disappear!**

Author's Note:_ The beginning of this chapter felt quite stinted and forced as I was writing it, so I apologise in advance if it's not as flowing as the rest of it._

_Adam:_

"Well. Hmm. I suppose we'd better head back to Sanctuary and wait to hear from them." Like hell that was what I wanted to do, but I damned well wasn't going to make things any worse by not keeping my word to Jesse. I didn't want to leave them alone in their current emotional state, but at the same time, I couldn't see what else I could do.

"You have got to be kidding me! There is no way I'm going anywhere right now. What if something happens to her-I mean them? You can't seriously expect me to just walk away from this?!?" I knew Brennan would resist my suggestion, but I didn't realise he'd be this determined.

"I'm with Brennan on this. Jesse's like my brother, and no matter what happens between Emma and me, she's still my girl. I know I went a touch wacko on you guys about her earlier, but I've got it under control now." Now Shalimar, her resistance doesn't surprise me. She never has been the stay-at-home type. Neither does her relatively quick control of her errant behaviour. Ever since I brought her to Sanctuary, I've been training her in self-control and meditation techniques. One of my proudest moments was when she offered to teach them to Emma, to help with controlling her powers.

Even though my heart agrees with them, my head knows that this is not the right course of action to take. As much as I want to always be there to fix their problems and beat up their bad guys (Shal would love that!), I'm going to have to accept at some point that they are their own people, with their own choices to make.

But before I get a chance to reply to the others, I hear an ear-piercing scream that seems to come from inside my own mind. Next thing I know, all I can see is a blinding white light and I'm flying through the air. When I come to – and God knows how long I was out – Shalimar is bending over me, and I can hear Brennan shouting about the Double Helix as he tries to land it safely.

_Jesse:_

"What the-Emma? Emma? Where are you?!? EMMA!!" Oh God, what's happened to her? One minute we were talking about what to do now, and the next... What happened next? I can't remember...wait...there was a voice...I couldn't understand it...then a light...it was so very, very bright...next thing I remember is waking up.

"What do I do? I don't know what to do!!" As I speak, I squeeze my hands reflexively. I'm holding something. Looking down, I see that it is my Mutant X ring. Adam! Adam will know what to do!

Shoving my ring hard onto my finger, I call out his name the moment it starts to glow.

_Brennan:_

"ADAM!!" Jesse? Oh no, please no, don't let something have happened to...don't be stupid Mulwray, if Jesse's all right, then she will be too, right?

"Yes, Jesse? What is it?" How can Adam sound so calm? Shalimar and I are barely managing to keep this hunk of metal steady long enough to land it and he sounds like he's...

"It's Emma!" NO!! God, no! "She's gone! One minute she was sitting next to me and the next...she wasn't! What's happening?!?"

"What do you mean she's 'gone'? She can't be! People don't just disappear! I swear to God Jesse, if anything's happened to her...!" I don't even realise I'm speaking until I hear my own voice. If Jess has let something happen to Emma...

"Brennan! Stop! You know full well that he loves her just as much as you do, we all do!" Jeez, I hope not! "Attacking each other isn't going to help find Emma any faster. Jesse, look out the window. Are you still by highway 65?" Sir yes sir! Even now, he's still ridiculously calm and levelheaded!

"Uh, yeah, I think so. Everything looks pretty much the same to me." Trust Jesse to unquestioningly obey his leader even though he was telling him where to stick it a few minutes ago.

"Okay. Brennan, Shalimar, try to land us as close to the cars as you can. Jesse, if it looks safe, I'd like you to get out of the car and have a look around – see if you can find any trace of Emma or whoever might have taken her." Easier said than done buddy! Half the controls seem to have short circuited and don't even ask about the internal navigation system. If I didn't know better, I'd think we'd just been through an electrical storm.

_Emma:_

"Ugh...Jesse, what happened? Jesse? ...Hello?" When I realise that I can neither hear Jesse breathing nor sense him telepathically, I force my eyes to open. Not fun.

As my eyes begin to focus, I realise that I'm lying down, and I'm most definitely _not_ in my car anymore – or any car, for that matter.

"The child has awoken" No one has called me a child in years! And that was only a little old lady whom I'd helped across the street!

"Hello? Who's there?" I slowly become conscious of the fact that I am on some kind of chair bed, not dissimilar to Adam's diagnostic chair in his lab. Does this mean that I'm back at Sanctuary? But then why am I hearing these voices?

"No child, you are not in your 'Sanctuary', you are in ours. Give me you hand and I will help you to your feet." A pale, slender hand appears in front of my face. It has some kind of unearthly quality to it, almost ghostly. Regardless of this, I feel an innate sort of trust in its owner.

As I stand up, I realise the word 'unearthly' definitely suits my new friend. She – I think – is extremely tall and slender; with the palest skin I've ever seen and long white hair. Who – or what – is she?

"Hello Emma. I am known as Marii-el. The name your people have given mine is 'Angels'. I am told this is because of these." As Marii-el spoke, she turned away from Emma and unfolded her soft grey wings.

_Jesse:_

As I watch the others going about their tasks – Shalimar doing a walk-around, hunting for Emma's scent, Brennan trying to fix the Double Helix, Adam calling for Emma on his ring – I marvel at how quickly we've all adapted to the situation. I mean, guys, come on! This is Emma! How can you all be so calm and composed? What if someone's kidnapped her? What if she's...? Oh God, what if she's dead?

Author's note: _Sorry it's taken me so long to put this one up, but I was forever fiddling with the angel character. I couldn't quite seem to describe her right. As always, reviews are welcome, but not required._


	6. Where are you?

**Where are you?  
**

Author's note: Surprise! It's been over two years since I last updated this story, awful I know. I was rereading it the other day, which inspired me to try and finish it. Hopefully this new chapter will still have the same voice, so to speak, as my earlier ones. I've changed the rating to T in light of the issues which will be covered and the romantic parts of the story.

This chapter is basically the team's reaction to Emma's disappearance. It's set about two weeks later because I felt that it would be the best way to cover the period immediately following what happened in chapter five, rather than constantly saying "a few days later", etc. Shalimar's feelings about Emma's disappearance were incredibly hard to write. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the emotion that went into it comes across in reading.

Apologies for how short it is – I just didn't want to move on to Emma until the next chapter. I'm in the process of writing that now and will get it up as soon as possible.

_Shalimar:_

It's been just over a fortnight since Emma disappeared. We've heard nothing from her since then, and the silence is gradually taking its toll on us all. I'd have to be blind not to see that Jesse blames himself for the fact that he was right there, and yet couldn't stop it from happening. He just sits in front of the computer day in day out, constantly checking for any sign of the tracker signal from Emma's ring. I've tried to get through to him, convince him that she wouldn't want him to do this to himself, but I've had no more luck with him than I have our fearless leader…

Adam spends all of his time in the lab, going over Emma's last tests over and over, desperately searching for any kind of clue as to what happened to her. I'm starting to get seriously worried that he's making himself ill – he's always up first in the mornings and is still up when we've gone to bed. I can't even remember the last time I saw him eat anything.

As for Mutant X's resident elemental…

He spends most of his day in her room, just sitting on her bed, staring into space. I'm pretty sure he's slept there too for the last few nights. I don't think Brennan's spoken to anyone in at least a week, even 'yes' and 'no' seem to have become too much for him to handle.

It didn't take me long to work out what's going on. Sure, part of me doesn't like it, it's not easy to accept that someone you have feelings for is in love with someone else, let alone one of your best friends. But at the same time, in my heart I care deeply for both of them on a friendship level, and know that I only want what's best for them. To me, the scale of Emma's reaction to Henry's threat was a clear sign of the strength of her feelings for Brennan.

And me? How do I feel? To be honest, right now it seems like the only way to survive is to focus on the guys. If I spend all my waking hours making sure that they're okay, I don't have time to realise how big a hole there is in my heart. My mind knows that she's out there somewhere, fighting to get back to us if she can, but my heart… My heart is breaking for my beloved best friend. I can't imagine life without her. I'd give anything for the chance to apologise for how I treated her in the lab. It terrifies me to think that I may never get the chance to tell her that I love her, that no man is more important than our friendship. I can't let myself stop long enough to consider that I may never get the chance to see her again. If I do, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop.

_Jesse:_

As I turn the corner, I glance up to see Shal curled up next to the reflecting pool Emma loved – no, loves – so much. It isn't until I get closer to her that I see something sparkle on her cheek, closer still till I realise that it's a steady trail of tears working their way slowly down her face. My heart hurts when I realise that in the time since Emma… since she left, not once have I asked Shalimar how she felt, how she was handling everything.

I walk up the handful of steps to the pool and sink down next to her, staring into the water that she seems to be mesmerised by.

"Hey. You okay?" I ask, wrapping an arm around her slight frame.

"Depends, do you want the truth, or the mask I've been wearing for the last two weeks?" Ouch, I guess I deserved that… My only response is to pull her closer to me, and add my other arm to the one already holding her. What can I say? There are no words that will make this all go away, no words that will magically make Emma walk back through the door.

I'm so sick of this. Thanks to our combined powers, and Adam's seemingly endless genius, until now there was no problem we couldn't solve, no mountain too high for us. But now… It scares me to admit it, but the disappearance of Emma DeLauro might just be the end of Mutant X. Who knew one person could have this much power over a group of people when she's not even here?

"Do you think she might be…" Shalimar paused, wincing. One look at her tear stained face told me what it was she couldn't say. Other than when she first disappeared, that thought hadn't even crossed my mind, and attempting to process the possibility of Emma's death again shot a sharp burst of pain through me. For some reason, my mind had only allowed for two possibilities. One, she'd chosen to disappear of her own free will, or two, she'd been kidnapped by an as yet unknown person or group. The former seemed very unlikely to me, given that if she had wanted to disappear completely, why contact me? Ergo, I'd come to the automatic conclusion that someone had taken her against her will and was purposefully keeping her from us. I hadn't stopped to consider anything else.


End file.
